Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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