My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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