I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
