I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
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I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
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We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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