I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
