Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
