i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
