So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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