Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
