one might say we're banned from that church
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
