singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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