I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
