and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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