My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
