I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
