my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
