you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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