We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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