I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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