Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
