I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize