its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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