My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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