you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
