he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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