In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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