It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
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i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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