I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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