walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you made out with another girl for some wings
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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