nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
