Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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