Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
