I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My room smells like vodka and shame
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
