Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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