I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
