they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
