You smell like stripper and shame
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
