she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
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Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
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My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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