he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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