Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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