I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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