I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
