My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
