I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
