Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize