just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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