I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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