I heard we made out
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
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It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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