was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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