u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
vagina is talking i cant
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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