I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
