I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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