I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He did a backflip because drugs
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
