Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
