I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
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I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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