oh god the rape fog is back!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
