I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
