Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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