I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
