im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
