I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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