Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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