Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
