The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
